Thursday, December 17, 2015

I Need Help, I Keep Dating The Wrong Guys

I'm in love with a guy who has a girlfriend, but it's not my fault... 
Before you judge me, read my story. I am a lady in my late 20s, pretty, funny, lovable and a good christian but the major problem I have been facing since I knew about dating is the kind of guys I get attracted to; they are usually cool but unserious, have commitment issues, are emotionally unavailable and just want to sleep with me.

I am very emotional and I tend to show my 
feelings towards a guy so soon. Secondly I've never had a relationship that lasted more than six months.

In my 4 years in the university, I didnt have any relationship, not that I didnt want but guys were not just coming. My friends always felt I should have a lot of admirers because of my looks but the reverse was the case. 

After school, the few ones I tried to have turned out sour; one was my former fellowship pastor so I thought he will be serious as he was old enough for marriage. This was about 4 years ago. I was disappointed when I realised that he was just after s*x. He started acting up, withdrawing, saying I was disturbing him emotionally and that he is tired. Later, he said we should do friends with benefit, I just cut him off totally. This was a supposed pastor trying to take advantage of my weakness.

A year later in 2013 met another guy. It didnt last up to six months before we broke up due to our numerous differences. He also didnt make a commitment, the major thing was that we liked ourselves. It took me a long time to get time over him.

Fast forward to this year, I met a very funny and intelligent guy, we met on a social networking site. He is in his 30s and he seemed just like my perfect man. There was this connection I had with him and we could talk about anything at anytime. 

I snooped on his social media accounts and I didnt see any signs of a lady or girlfriend so I felt the coast was clear. Only for me to ask him one day and he says he is in a relationship, even showed me her photo. I had already started having feelings for him, it was hard to turn back. We were so attracted to each other and it was to hard to resist him even though I knew he just wanted s*x from me. 

[After s*x] he travel out and isn't communicating like before, even though he told that me his girlfriend is in Nigeria but I wasn't convinced.

Our major fallout was when on my birthday I didnt get message from him until a day later, I decided to send a nasty message to him saying he was just after my body and all. He got angry, I started apologising almost immediately, this happened in October. He just reads my messages doesnt reply, doesnt pick my calls. 

Since the incident happened, I havent been myself, I have never begged or apologised to any one like this in my life; I have cried almost everyday for the past two months, I cant concentrate at work. 

He came back but didn't tell me but I found out on my own. I went to his house a few days ago unannounced just to apologize, he got more angry in the process saying he warned me not to come without telling him. He said he has forgiven me and also apologized for leading on but ended up saying he has issues with people that don't trust him.

The worst part is he knows I love him so he is doing this to hurt me more.

I just can't get him out of my mind, I think about him everyday, I am in a dilemma... I don't understand what is going on. I still sent him messages yesterday but he just read them and didnt reply. I have uninstalled my WhatsApp because of him so I cant send him message again.

At this point, I am fed up, I don't why love treats me like this. I need help. *sad face*

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